Last Night

I had a pretty good day yesterday. Maliya (pronounced mah-lee-ya) and I went shopping at the Outlets in Waikele with my new friend Andrea. I got a lot of goodies for excellent prices. I even bought myself something *gasp* I usually do not spend money on myself unless it is necessary, especially when it comes to clothing. But I did buy a pair of denim capris at Old Navy. I need the clothes anyway.

Last night was another story.

A couple of days ago, I went to see Andrea and her daughter with Dillon and Maliya (my son and daughter). Lee (my husband) bought the UFC pay-per-view event and had a house full of people, so I figured it best to keep Dillon out of their hair and Maliya in a calmer and quieter environment. When I was driving home that night, I realized my throat felt scratchy. The next morning I woke up with unbelievable sinus pressure and congestion. The pain got worse through out the day as well as the congestion.

Lee worked last night, so I was home alone with the kids. Maliya was starting to get hungry when Dillon had pooped. He has a welt/scratch/rash mark and was screaming and crying in pain while I tried to change him as quickly as possible so it would not hurt him for long, while Maliya screamed and cried in her papasan swing. Once he was changed and calmed down, I fed Maliya. Then Dillon started to get whiney and wanted to eat while I was feeding her...but he had to wait until she was done. He understands to wait more than a 10 week old baby does. Then I fed him and Maliya just cried on and off from gas and being tired. Finally I got her asleep after many crying episodes from everyone, myself included. Then I had to change Dillon, which he had pooped again, and put him to bed.

All of the crying and screaming that went on in here from those two little bodies made my head feel worse. I had accidentally thrown out my Claritin this past weekend when I was cleaning, so I had to suffer until I was able to get to the store this morning. I broke down and took some Tylenol in hopes it would at least help with the pressure and it did a tiny bit.

It was probably the worst night I have had since I had Maliya. Even the nights shortly after she was born, when we were home...I cried about my hysterectomy and the feelings I had about that and it was awful. But last night really took the cake. I felt physically ill from the sinus pain and congestion, on top of two needy, fussy, crying and screaming kids (one toddler, one newborn) and being home alone since Lee had to work. I just wanted him home. I wanted to run away. I wanted to cry myself to sleep as I held  my crying baby and crying toddler. I wanted to disappear.

I felt just terrible, like I could not do enough for them. It is the first time I have been sick since Maliya's birth and it really was just too much for me to handle both of them alone, while unwell. I am glad Lee does not have to work for a couple of days, he really helps to keep me grounded when my days are bad like last night. He might make me angry or frustrated some times, as all husbands do to their wives, but he really does make me feel better and pick me up when I need it most. Even just a phone call from him while he is at work helps me feel a little better.

Aside from this sinus funk and a bad night, I also weighed in this morning. I started Weight Watchers online to try to lose the rest of the weight I gained from when I was pregnant with Dillon. Since I cannot have any more children, might as well work hard and get it all off me for good. I gained about a pound and a half. I know weight gain will happen when you are trying to lose it and I know why I gained a little bit this past week. I have not been tracking points as much and since I have become sick or whatever you want to call it, I do not really eat much and the things I do eat are not what I probably should be eating. I hope to start feeling better soon now that I bought some Claritin and get back on track. Of course, feeling tired and sad often does not help my weight loss, but I am trying to focus and get back to the path I was on up until this past week.


  1. everyone has some off time. things will get better!!

  2. (((hugs))) We all have horrible days from time to time. Taking care of two little ones when you feel so miserable is difficult to do. Its even difficult to do when your kids are older and able to take care of themselves like mine ( ages (9-14) Feel better soon!

  3. Confession: This whole time I've been reading Maliya as mal-lie-ya, not mal-lee-ya. Wow, I feel stupid now. Sorry! <3