I am not new to blogging, but this is a new blog to me. I blogged throughout my pregnancy and have since forgotten the password to that account, on top of no longer having access to the email I created the blog with. I have entered a new chapter in my life, so I figured I would start clean.
I was induced 2 weeks early due to borderline severe pre-eclampsia and gave birth to a healthy baby girl on February 22, 2011. She was born via VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) but I had serious complications immediately following her birth. I ruptured my uterus during labor, but thankfully the placenta was blocking the hole so she was born safely. One of my surgeons also suspects I had an amniotic fluid embolism as well. I started hemmoraging and after several failed attempts to stop the bleeding as well as multiple blood transfusions, the only option they had left to save my life was to perform an emergency hysterectomy. I was 24 at the time and it was almost 10 weeks ago. I lost almost all of the blood in my body and spent 2.5 days in ICU alone, which is where I learned of what happened to me. I do not remember anything past the delivery of the placenta, except one tid-bit. There was bright white around me, I was crying and asking if I was going to be ok. Then the next thing I remember was waking up in ICU.
I am healing just fine, physically. Only 4 days post-op I was getting up on my own and even showering. But it has been very hard to cope emotionally and mentally with everything. I was recently diagnosed with major depressive disorder which is due to a history of on again/off again depression, as well as post partum depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
I have lost a very important piece of myself and I have not felt the same since. I have been told and have realized on my own that I must rediscover who I am. I am not the same person in several aspects and I need to find myself again.
This blog will share my happiest moments and my saddest moments. There will be bright days and dark days. It is the only way I can try to recover from my experience and rediscover myself.