6.30.2011

Weight Loss Blog

I started a weight loss blog, I want to keep that journey separate from this. Otherwise I think it might be too cluttered with posts.

If you're interested in following my journey, I'd love the support!

Journey To Reduction

Thank you :)

<3

It's A New Day

Despite feeling exhausted due to Maliya waking up at 11:30 pm and again at 4:30 am to eat, I'm in good spirits.

I have a song in my head that keeps me feeling positive this morning. You know that Weight Watcher's commercial with Jennifer Hudson, where she sings "it's a new dawn, it's a new day....and I'm feeling gooooooooood."

That's how I feel right now.

I'm trying to remain positive and keep a level head about my goals. Just keep my eye on the prize, which is surgery. Sometimes I let the discouragement creep up from the back of my mind and tell myself I can't do this and I'll never have my surgery done, etc. I am trying to push it away though. At times it's easier said than done...but I'm not going to give up. I know I can do this, I have to. And I have to do it sooner than later.

Alright, I think I am going to pop open a can of Red Bull, take my meds and wait for my wings. There is so much I want to get done, my mind was racing all night. I couldn't fall asleep until almost quarter after 11 pm, then Maliya woke up a half hour later to eat. Then I couldn't fall asleep until almost 1 am and she had been asleep for like 45 minutes at that point. I did lay down on the couch after she ate at 4:30 am though. Then I dozed on and off for a couple of hours while Dillon watched cartoons and Maliya was sleeping. I'm a light sleeper so I didn't get much, but at least it was some sort of rest.

6.29.2011

Pinky Toe & Plastics

I think the last time I blogged, I had mentioned stubbing my pinky toe on the cart at Target. Well last night...I stubbed the same toe on the wheel of Maliya's stroller while we were at Waikele Outlets in Carter's. It hurt. A lot. Some clear liquid came out from under my nail and then a little blood. Today it's very sore and there's some clear, sticky stuff oozing out. Sorry if that's graphic, but there's no lighter way to really say it. I showed Andrea and asked her about it because I'm nervous about it getting infected. She said it's bruising fluid and it's normal. I just really don't want it to fall off :(

Yesterday I got a call from Tripler. The nurse called from Specialty Surgeries department about the plastic surgery consult I had scheduled for tomorrow. She wanted to move it to today, so I had that this morning. It went alright, but not as well as I had hoped for.

I'm definitely a good candidate the doctor said. From the way I understood they would remove about 3 1/2 pounds total from both breasts. That's a lot. But....yes there's always a but....my bmi is too high for them to do the surgery. He said they can't do it unless it's 30 or lower, but he said around 30 is good enough. My bmi is 37, although they told me 39 for some reason. But I checked 2 different websites and both said 37.3 so...no clue where 39 came from. Well, to get down to a bmi of 30.7 I have to lose about 41 pounds. Then I can have surgery.

It's kind of disheartening because I've already lost 33 pounds since I had Maliya and now I have to lose like 40 more before I can have a breast reduction done. Which once I have it done I can run again and I'd definitely lose weight then. Not to mention that Lee has this ERB coming up in November and if his name is on that list then they are kicking him out next June. Then I won't get the reduction free because we won't have military insurance anymore. So not only do I have to worry about losing the weight...I also have to worry about doing it quickly enough incase he is kicked out. Which we'll find out this coming November, but I still want to lose as much as I can before then because if he is on that list...that doesn't leave me much time to get it done and recover before we'd have to move.

So I'm not eating any more fast food. I'm not drinking any more soda, diet or otherwise. I'm not eating any more snacks: chips, gummy bears, pretzels, goldfish, poptarts, etc. The only "fast food" I said is ok is Subway, but I'm only allowing myself flat bread over a roll (less carbs) and minimal mayo/mustard dressings. Also no more extra cheese and I have to have at least 3 veggies on it. That's the only way I'll allow myself to eat it. And no more daily weigh ins, or even weekly. Every 2 weeks, I'm going to document it on here too.

*sigh*

I could cry right now. I feel so defeated.

6.26.2011

Sighs & Cries

My mediocre day has really gone down hill since this afternoon *cries* :(

It started when Maliya woke me up at the butt crack of dawn, but I managed to make the best of the morning. By the afternoon I got a hot shower and when Dillon woke up from his nap we ventured to the bank and then Target.

At Target I stubbed my pinky toe so hard on the stupid cart wheel it felt like my nail ripped off. I wanted to scream out every curse word I knew and knock everything off the shelves of the isle I was standing in. It hurt so much. Here I am, many hours later and it still hurts to walk. It didn't bleed so I don't think I really tore anything, but man...does it feel jacked up.

Then Dillon didn't want to listen much this afternoon. I understand he loves his little sister....but how many times can he really take being yelled at or swatted for grabbing her arm or sticking his face about a half inch or less from hers and yelling/laughing in her face. I mean, give the poor girl a few inches at least. So that was exhausting to deal with.

When Lee got up, I told him I didn't care if he got right on the xbox so long as he emptied the garbage and took out the recycling. I got Maliya ready and we were off to the mall for retail therapy.

Just to get into Gymboree and am told by the clerk they were closing in 5 minutes. I look at my cell phone and realize it's almost 6 and it's Sunday. The mall closes early on Sunday. Definitely a FML moment.

So I look up the number to Waikele Outlets, same hours. I look up the number to Babies R Us, they close at 7. We got there and still had 45 minutes to shop around. I got two onesie/pants sets and a cute, soft denim skort (she'll have to grow into). I also picked up a cool car from Cars 2 for Dillon, couldn't forget my little man!!

I got home and was kind of excited to show Lee what I had bought. I wanted to show someone, it's not much fun shopping pretty much by yourself. I don't really count a sleeping baby as company. He was less than interested between a match, so I gave up and went about my business. It sucks not having a girl friend I can really call up at the last minute and ask if they want to go shopping. *sigh*

Now I'm sitting here, depressed and my pinky toe is throbbing. I'm dreading having to get up and walk up the stairs with Maliya, but boy am I ready for bed....it's been a day.

Sweet Potatoes & A Sunset

Since we got the okay to start trying solids, I thought yesterday would be fun to try some sweet potatoes with Maliya. I do veggies first otherwise we may never get through them all! Of course babies love fruit, it tastes good. So I think doing the gross stuff first is better. Well she definitely isn't ready, she just gagged. Poor thing. I also tried some plain cereal last night, she has a little in her bottles so I know she's ok with it...she gagged again. So we'll try again in a few weeks to a month, but I did manage to take some pictures!

Sweet Potatoes 
Other than that, nothing too exciting happened yesterday. There was an amazing sunset last night. Lee had to work, but the kids and I were sitting in the living room and it was lit up orange. I could see orange out of the high-rise windows and thought I'd run outside and snap a few photos. I figured if it was that orange and bright...it had to be pretty! I was trying to rock Maliya asleep and she woke up on the walk outside, but it was worth it :) I took this photo with my Android phone and yes, the sunset actually looked like this! One of the few things I will miss about living in Hawaii. The beauty never gets old.

Honolulu, Hi 6.25.11

6.24.2011

Time For Change

I'm really feeling down on myself today :(

My best friend recently had a baby and she looks amazing. I don't care about the fact she was smaller than me when she got pregnant (a lot smaller), but knowing that I weigh almost two of her makes me sad.

Mary, my psychiatrist, and I made a plan for me to start doing leg lifts, crunches and squats...for now. I'm going to do 50 of everything to begin, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday (starting today). I want to run, I miss running so much. But I can't with my boobs being the size they are. It physically hurts and there are no sports bras in my size anywhere in stores or that I can find online. I need a lot of support and nothing I've found online offers high impact control like what I need.

This coming Thursday, I have a consult appointment with specialty surgery at Tripler. I'm actually really excited because this is the first step toward the breast reduction I have wanted since I was a teenager. I hope things move quickly after this appointment. And once I am all healed after I have the reduction, I cannot wait to be able to go running again!

But, in the mean time I am going to start the plan that Mary and I worked out and hope it helps me shed some weight and get to feeling better. Exercising is supposed to release endorphins and that is what makes you happy, so I know it'd help.

Enough pity partying, Maliya is waking up from her catnap she took during the car ride home from the NEX.

4 Month Check Up

Maliya had her four month well-baby check up this morning!

At birth she was 7 lbs 5.2 oz and 19.5 inches long. At two months she was 9 lbs 6 oz and 21.5 inches long. Now at four months she is 12 lbs 8.2 oz and 24.75 inches long!! She is in the 25th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height. We also got the ok to start trying solids too! My little baby girl is growing too fast :( I wish I could hit the pause button on life....just for a little while.

I didn't have her shots done today since I had to take Dillon with me. Lee had quarters at work and then has training in a couple of hours, so he couldn't watch him while I took Maliya to her appointment. So next week, Andrea said she'd come watch Dillon while I run Maliya to the immunizations clinic for her shots.

6.23.2011

Yep, It's Long

Many things to cover tonight :)

Yesterday evening, I was taking Paige home and we were sitting in terrible traffic on the H-1. We were listening to the radio and chatting when I heard them announce a giveaway of $100 cash to caller 102. So I started calling and told Paige if she called too, we would split it if one of us got through and won.

She and I called non-stop the entire hour (or longer) we sat in traffic on the way to her house. Rarely did we get even a busy signal, but we did each get through once. I was caller 38 and Paige was caller 57. It gave me a little hope! Usually when we were calling, it'd just be the AT&T jingle with a recording that said to try again later. But we didn't give up.

After we got to her house, they announced callers 97, 98 and 99, then went to a song. I was sure they had their winner but I kept calling until they played the winning caller. Paige ran into the house to go to the bathroom while I kept trying to get through. Then the phone started ringing and I had figured they cleared the lines since they had a winner. But I didn't hang up and suddenly the dj answered! He asked my name and where I was calling from and I told him and that we had been trying to call for an hour and got through twice. He told me I was caller 102!!!! I've never won anything in my life so it was very exciting! We screamed in excitement and I said 102.7 the bomb, when he asked what radio station hooked me up (typical phrase they have winners say). He then asked me to hang on so he could come back and get my info. After I gave him the information he needed, he gave me a number and name to the promotions manager and said if I don't recieve a call within 2 weeks from that day, to call in. But he said I should get a call letting me know when I can go in to pick up my prize.

That was probably the coolest thing that's happened to me in such a long time!

I made and sold my first satin ribbon leis today. Andrea (Paige's mom) has family coming in from the mainland and she asked if I would make her three leis for her neices and nephew, the adults were getting liquor leis. I said sure, so we went to Ben Franklin's and she picked out the ribbons and I bought a couple of things. We went back to my house, I made them and posted a listing on my shop on Etsy so she could buy them from their and post feedback. All of the headbands she's bought from me haven't been listed, oh well. I wasn't sure how much to charge for a handmade ribbon lei, I was thinking like $8-$10 or something. But Andrea insisted I should definitely charge more because even the machine-made ribbon leis in stores are about $15-$20. Which she proved while we were in the craft store. So she paid $20 a piece for them. That was exciting! The most money I've made in one order and the first leis I've sold. Pretty cool stuff :) Paige even told me some ladies at the airport complimented how nice they were. That really made me feel good.

And lastly, I just got done making peanut butter balls. It's a candy that I learned how to make from a postcard, it's yummy. Better than a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup if you ask me (and Andrea's son!). Her husband, son and nephew loved the ones Paige and I made yesterday, so I made some more tonight to drop off at their house tomorrow. I rolled 174 little balls of peanut butter, confectioner sugar and butter (mixed of course). They have to sit in the fridge over night, then tomorrow I have to melt milk chocolate chips and dip all of those tiny candy balls into the chocolate and then let them sit in the fridge until they are hard. I'm not looking forward to dipping all of that...it took me about a half an hour just to roll them all! I don't mind though, it's for good people so it's worth it.

Now I am pretty much done winding down for the night, so I'll end here. Maliya has her 4 month well-baby check up tomorrow and we have to drop Lee off at work in the morning for quarters. I hate his stupid command, but just over a year and we're done with their dumb shit. Goodnight, xoxo!

6.22.2011

Back To Blogging

I started this blog to help me through a very traumatic experience, posted a few entries and then totally forgot. I guess life was busy happening and so much has gone on.

Where do I start?

Maliya is four months old today. It's hard to believe that just four months ago it was one of the happiest, yet the most terrifying days of my life. A day that changed me forever.

She is learning so many things and always has a smile on her pretty little face! She wakes up all smiles and rarely cries unless I'm not putting a bottle in her mouth fast enough for her liking. She sits up in her boppy pillow and when on my lap, but we haven't really tried sitting her up on her own yet. I think it's early for that yet. She's been teething since around two months old. No teeth have cut yet, but she is finally starting to get some little bumps in there! It's just been slober and gumming everything in the mean time. She loves to giggle and is starting to talk. Not just little coos and sighs, but she is actually trying to move her mouth in different shapes when she is making her noises and she changes her pitch and tone as well. It's really fun to watch her and it's exciting to see the new things she's doing! She rolled over one from belly to back and she is trying to roll back to belly. She gets as far as her side, starts leaning as if she is going to roll onto her tummy and then she catches herself and goes back on her back. She's getting there though!!

Dillon is growing like a weed too. He's been out of school for almost a month, it's been exhausting to say in the least. His energy is just...wow. That kid needs to bottle it and sell it...he'll make a fortune! His speech has been improving and he's been copying words for a while now. It's exciting to see the progress he is still making despite being on summer break from school. Still not potty trained, I've tried a few times to get him to go on the potty. When I ask he says no and gets upset. But he also still doesn't tell us when he has to go or is going in his diaper. So that makes it hard to guess when to put him on the potty...it's frustrating.

A quick update for me, I've been experiencing pre-menopause symptoms and it really sucks to go through this at 25 years old. My hair is falling out and causing bald spots. The hot flashes are probably worse than anything else though. Those make me feel crazy. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (mdd) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd). The psychiatrist I have started seeing prescribed me Luvox for the ocd. At my initial appointment on June 8th, I had 15 out of 18 diagnostic symptoms. Today, after being on a low dose of Luvox for a week and a half, I now have 5 out of 18 symptoms that have not changed or gone away completely. So that's a good sign the medication is working. The ocd symptoms went away completely for the first few days but then came back worse than ever. So she increase the dosage and hopefully that helps. I have to go back in 2 weeks again for another check up. So that is positive news. My crying spells have decreased, that is also another good thing. I think the depression type symptoms have decreased most, but the ocd symptoms feel stronger than ever. So hopefully this increase in meds helps that!

I decided I want to go back and finish my Bachelors degree. I just got my report back from my advisor and she said I need 36 credits to finish, which I believe are all electives. So I'll take child development courses. I am also thinking about doing another BS after we move, but we'll see. I really want to do a BS in early childhood development before going on to possibly do a masters degree...but...we'll see.

Umm, I guess that's a good enough update for now. I don't want to write too much and then make you lose interest because I've gone on with my ramblings. I want to get back into blogging because it does help to make me feel better. Even if no one reads it or even leaves me a comment (which you can do without being a part of blogger-btw).

I think I'm going to try to lay down. I do have a few things I should run and do, but I went to bed later than usual and I'm exhausted, my eyes are even burning.